RAGE (the best music video show on the entire planet) played some cool stuff last night – Mercury Rev, Bright Eyes, Kings Of Leon, Sonic Youth and more. It’s only shows on Friday and Saturday nights but the cool thing is that it plays all night and into the morning. It’s also good for the indie bands that probably have a hard time nowadays (like when’s that ever changed?). Every Saturday night they have guest programmers – local artists and international. Last nights show was programmed by the Black Keys and I liked it a lot! I wonder if I can hook up something so that Ken Stringfellow can program RAGE when he’s here – that’s if he’s not already done it before? Worth thinking about I guess?

I got a bit emotional before. I went into the library to look for something and found a box of love letters from Amy instead – so I sat down and read a few, reminisced, smiled and shed a tear. Not a great idea if you want to keep functioning continuously. Needless to say I had to take a 10 minute “me time” break to get back to normal again. Mmmmmm, no doubt we’ll talk about Ames at the lunch today? It might not be as much fun as I previously thought?

On the subject of Ames…..I think I’m a little annoyed that her mom or sister haven’t called me “on the sly” as it were. I mean I want to pick their brains as to how it is over there and what’s been happening. All I’m getting is Amy’s side of things and that’s not that helpful since she’s very good at covering up her illness on the telephone. I’m not sure on how the rest of the family are thinking now that Amy’s back with them. Mmmmmm, might see if I can’t chase them up early next week?

Ohh, and in case anyone is wondering…..As far as I know Amy doesn’t read this blog at all – though she is aware of it and happy that I’m finally doing one! I can’t say I’m actually worried about it if she does read it though because the Amy I know and love would be fine with what I’ve said here. She might be a little annoyed by one or two things but she also knows where I’m coming from and won’t hold anything against me……Well, only when she’s ill she will. When she’s well she’s cool about things. Besides, she knows I tell it as I see it and I don’t tend to keep things locked and bottled up inside for very long – if at all. She also knows that I love her very much.

So to both of my mums/moms (neither of which actually reads this), HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !!!

On Thursday I got a call from my friend, Daniel. He had gone walking and cycling up in the mountains but he wasn’t really having a fun time so he decided to come home early – stopping at some of the seaside towns along the way. When he’d almost reached Melbourne the gearbox on his car decided to blow up and so he was left stranded. Anyhow Dan called me to see if I could pick him up, which I did.

We spent almost all of Thursday talking about recent events and of events long past. We spent a long time talking about Amy and her illness as you would expect. We also reminisced about Amy’s friend Tammy, her husband Matt and their nearly 1 year old daughter Anna. Anna is Amy’s and my Godchild and both Tammy and Matt are wonderful, caring and generous people.

Dan and I talked about Tammy’s plan to float rocks in wire cages on boat-like craft that would be put in the ocean and would end up wherever the ocean’s currents would take them. Tammy first told us about it two and a half years ago on the day that Amy and I were married. I remember seeing some of the caged rocks in Tammy and Matt’s motel room in York, PA. Daniel and Adrian, my two best friends, had travelled from Australia to America to be at the wedding and they were also in the same hotel, but one floor up or down. Tammy and Matt were on the same floor as us. Amy and I decided to forego the traditional “wedding night thing” – at least for a while anyway – because we wanted to spend as much time with Tammy, Matt, Adrian and Daniel as we could. Adrian and Daniel were about to leave for Europe the next day or so and Tammy and Matt were going to go back home to Rhode Island. In any event we wanted to be there and hang out together for as long as we could because with everyone now living so far apart it’s good to spend as much time as you can together.

Later on I told Dan about the first day I met Tammy – which was actually the first day I met Amy in person. Tammy had driven Amy from Philadelphia, where they were both going to college, to New York City to meet me at JFK airport. It was an anxious time as you could imagine. Amy and I had been good friends for some years but this was the first time that we would see each other in the flesh. Tammy waited at another terminal and read Harry Potter while Amy waited for me at the gate. After we’d met, sat down, exchanged gifts and had talked for a while we went and collected Tammy, then we went to a food court and had something to eat before jumping into the car and driving the two or three hours it took to get back to Philly.

I spent a fantastic three and a half weeks with Amy and Tammy, and Amy’s flatmates, Christine, Sharon and May. Amy, Tammy and myself also went down by train to see Amy’s folks for a weekend while I was there. Right in the heart of Amish country almost.

Last year, when Amy and I spent three months with her folks in America, Tammy and Matt drove down from Rhode Island to spend a fantastic week with us. Tammy was heavily pregnant with little Anna and looking radiant. They’d been driving all morning and got to mom and dad’s in the mid afternoon I think? We spent the rest of the afternoon and into the evening just talking and catching up with each other. Talking about married life (Tammy and Matt were married and Tammy was the matron of honour at Amy’s and my wedding. Matt was one of my groomsmen) and babies and starting a family etc. After talking for most of the night we all said goodnight and went to bed. I remember waking up later that night at around 4 or 5 am and seeing that Amy was not in bed. I got up to look for her and found her and Tammy in the front room talking about life, the universe and everything. I sat down with them in the darkness, with only the light from the street lamps shining through the curtains – the snow falling lightly outside. It was a beautiful scene and only the second or third time in my life that I had seen snow falling.

We hung out together all week and talked and drove around and saw heaps of things. We spent a couple of days in Amish country and drove to Hershey, PA, took a tour of the chocolate factory and stayed overnight at a motel in Hershey, before going home to Amy’s folks house again. It was an unbelievably great week and I will remember it forever. It was all too short though and before too long we were saying goodbye to Tammy and Matt and looking forward to the next time we’d meet up again.

But time and life can play cruel tricks on you. The day before Amy arrived home to her parents house her father received a phone call – Tammy had been killed in a car accident the Sunday before. Matt had been knocked unconscious but baby Anna was apparently fine and is still doing ok. The details are sketchy at this stage and the sorrow and grief is tremendous. Neither Amy or myself can fully accept what’s happened but it’s slowly sinking in. Amy is being comforted by her family over in PA and I’m being looked after by my family and friends back here. I spent most of Friday morning – after Amy had called to tell me – crying and talking with Daniel, who had stayed overnight in the spare room/library. We were both bewildered about what had happened and I still find it hard to comprehend really?

Dan and I spent the rest of Friday shopping for a new car. Later on that evening I drove him home and then went to my parents place to stay overnight. I just wanted to be with people who knew and loved me as you can tend to feel a little fragile in light of what’s been happening lately.

Tomorrow I’ll probably go to church? It’ll be a little strange because it’ll be the first time I’ve been there on my own. Still, I want, and need, to be there. I want to pray and think and be thankful for what I have – because you can never be too sure what’s around the corner, or just where it is that those ocean currents will lead you.