What’s The Story With Sea Monkeys?
What is it with Sea Monkeys? It seems they’re back “in vogue” again when really they were the kinda “rip-off pets from hell” that shoulda stayed in the 60′s and 70′s where they kinda belonged!
I mean I remember looking in the comic books where they had advertisements for these things. In the background you’d have these castles made of sand and shells and there would be this fish-like-lobster-like dude with a crown on his head and holding a scepter! According to the literature these Sea Monkeys – which in truth looked NOTHING like monkeys at all – could be trained to do all manner of tricks. You just KNEW YOU HAD TO BUY these things – or at least get someone else to buy them for you!
When you got the packet though it was a vastly different story! Of course the images were still all there – dudes and dudettes with crowns and scepters – and the literature on the packet still said all those cool things that you expected it to say, but when you opened it up all you seemed to get was a little booklet and a pile of……sand?? Seeds?? Something?? Well, several piles actually – albeit not very large piles, but still.
Then you’d read the booklet and the cracks started to appear. It seemed that the little critters would only grow to about the size of a match head – or not that much bigger anyhow – and that you’d need a microscope to actually see them do anything. That was another thing too – THEY DIDN’T REALLY ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING AT ALL! Just kinda swam about a bit! Hell, I could get a damn FISH to do that…..AND I WOULDN’T HAVE TO SQUINT TO SEE HIM DO IT!!!!!
It’s then that a small child – as I was then – would learn about the concept of RIPPING PEOPLE OFF! The idea that you COULDN’T TRUST EVERYTHING that was told to you! A valuable lesson perhaps, but a difficult one nonetheless.
After a short time these OVERPRICED BUGGERS would die anyway – so after about a week of disappointment you were disappointed yet again by the deaths of your INVINCIBLE ARMY of Sea Monkeys.
Sea Monkeys my ass!
It was around this time that my dad came to my rescue. Unbeknownst to me he’d gone to an aquarium and bought a whole SACKFULL of these things for around HALF THE PRICE of the miniscule sachet that I originally got! It seems that these so-called SEA MONKEYS are, in actual fact, BRINE SHRIMPS and their most useful function in life is to BE EATEN BY FISH AND OTHER WATER-LIKE CREATURES!! Hell, anything that swam in water could eat these guys up – but they’d have to eat A LOT! I mean these things are tiny!
So basically what these dudes are is GLORIFIED PET FOOD and nothing else! Go on! See if that can of dog food that you have in the cupboard flips and does somersaults on command? See if your cat food can be trained to spin about rhythmically LIKE IT SAYS ON THE PACKET THAT THESE SEA MONKEYS CAN DO! I betcha it won’t!
As you’d expect I lost interest in these DUMBASS THINGS in a very short time! Sackfull or no sackfull!
So now I have to ask, WHY THE HELL ARE THESE THINGS BACK TO RIP OFF YET ANOTHER GENERATION OF KIDDIES????? SHOULDN’T THERE BE A LAW AGAINST THIS SORT OF THING?????
So kids, JUST SAY NO!!! Better to be disappointed now than to pay GOOD MONEY to be disappointed later on!
Now whatever happened to Stretch Armstrong?? At least that dude did what the toy promised it would do – Stretch!
No no they did do ONE trick.
If you shone a flashlight into the tank, they would all swim to the light.
GREAT TRICK!!
I had seamonkeys. I’ve got a little sister that’s 13 now. I remember she had some like 5 years ago, I told her not to get obsessed with em, and she didn’t. I went over to my moms’s place for a visit and the sea monkeys water was all scuzzy and greenish. Needless to say she didn’t get too into them or expect too much. I think she forgot about them.
I remember I was excited I could get “instant life” when I had the little things.
Sea Monkeys were absolute crap… just a step up from the Pet Rock and just a step under an ant farm
I agree completely–yet I posted about the same thing a few days ago because it was Sea Monkey Appreciation Day.
Jay – It’s easy to see how the conceptual artists and moviemakers get the ideas for many of their aliens. You just need to look at the insect and crustacean world! And some of those deep sea critters are hella scary!
Deb – So you’re telling me that Sea Monkeys are deeply religious?
Tyler – Their idea of “instant life” wasn’t the same as in the cartoons though, was it? Come to think of it – and this could be mildly interesting to find out actually – I wonder if that whole “just add water” thing that countless cartoons had in the sixties are a result of Sea Monkeys and their manufacturers claims? There’s bound to be a website somewhere devoted to it!
Mmmmm, scuzzy greenish salt water. Yum!
Disembodied Head – At least ant farms kinda looked cool. Pet rocks were just plain crap! And what about those fake rocks you can buy to hide your house key in? The burglars would NEVER look there now, would they!!!
Anna – Yes, I read that somewhere. I shoulda posted on that day instead, methinks.
Having said all I said about Sea Monkeys I do kinda like all those fancy fish bowl thingies they have on the site – even though the original concept is flawed and crappy.
Thanks guys. Much appreciated.